square eyes

My name is Dean and I watch an awful lot of telly. There, I’ve said it. There was a time when I could be relied on to have at least a passing knowledge of any given show’s current storyline, even if it wasn’t one of my favourites. A “party trick” I once had was the ability to recall the entire cast list of popular Antipodean teatime soap Neighbours circa 1996 (entertainment was thin on the ground sometimes). This all-seeing eye nature also meant that I’d normally end up watching a disproportionate amount of bad TV, which might go some way to explain why I still insist on watching Hollyoaks.

As technology has moved on, I’m now ever-so-slightly more discerning with my viewing habits (Hollyoaks notwithstanding), casting my net a little further afield when looking for stuff to watch. Oftentimes this content will be shows that haven’t yet made it to these shores, thanks to the wonders of BitTorrent; I prided myself on being ahead of the curve on shows like HBO’s vampire thriller True Blood and Prohibition-era epic Boardwalk Empire before FX/Channel 4 and Sky Atlantic (damn you, Murdoch) got their respective acts together and bought the broadcast rights. Once I hear a bit of buzz about a US show, I’ll go out of my way to try to find its pilot episode and see what all the fuss is about; the nature of US TV means that seasons are normally at least thirteen episodes long, which can be quite an undertaking when you take into account the time spent searching, downloading and converting. Tom Selleck and his moustache in Blue Bloods has yet to grab me totally, and I’ve got the two opening episodes of Treme, from the creator of the universally-hailed The Wire David Simon, still to watch somewhere, even though ratings over here haven’t been too hot. The lengthy season run trend was recently bucked with The Walking Dead, starring Andrew “Egg off This Life” Lincoln fighting the zombie hordes in a six-parter, although this only whetted my appetite for more. Unfortunately, as I cast my net further means I am still susceptible to shows that aren’t quite as critically-acclaimed as others; I’ll hold my hands up now and admit that I’m a fan of Courteney Cox’s 40-something single mum comedy Cougar Town. On occasion, discovering one show can lead me to another. Getting hold of MTV’s Human Giant alerted me to Aziz Ansari, which in turn led me and the GW to Parks and Recreation, which is yet to be purchased by a UK broadcaster.

In other cases, I’ll ignore the Freeview schedules and get my content on-demand. My current show du jour is Forbrydelsen (“The Killing”), a twenty-part series that’s just ended its first season on BBC4, before returning for a second this autumn, and a probably-shit-but-not-unexpected US remake early next month. Coming in to this late meant I had to spend hours cramming to get up to speed, and it was totally worth it. If slow-paced, dimly-lit, Danish crime thrillers with subtitles are your thing, you’re in for a treat of the highest order and I can’t recommend it enough. And even if you don’t, get yourself to the iPlayer before it’s too late anyway. The story revolves around the rape and murder of a nineteen year-old teenager in Copenhagen (all very festive so far), and the resulting investigation into her death, taking in her family, the police and the Copenhagen corridors of power. It’s made, to all intents and purposes, to be watched how television should be watched; with the lights low, the mobile turned off and concentrating on the screen for a whole hour. And not just because you don’t understand Danish. The growing trend to have your Twitter feed open while watching a show, dubbed “social TV” by the Beeb earlier this week is ignored with in favour of a band of fans gravitating towards the columns of The Guardian’s Vicky Frost after every episode, trading theories (but never spoilers). The final two episodes were shown last night, and the killer revealed, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all twenty hours of it. Maybe Hollyoaks can finally be consigned to the scrapheap.